why does he cheat on his wife with me
Bring up the topic of cheating these days and the conversation will rage for hours. But there's one aspect nobody ever seems to talk about: What if the person a guy betrayed his wife or girlfriend with isn't some skanky ho. What if she's an otherwise levelheaded, normal chick like, say, you? Because let's face it, not everyone is 100 percent single when they meet the love of their life. The big question: If a guy cheated on someone with you, can you really trust him not to do the same to you? The Ring Factor "It's not a good sign if a man is willing to cheat, but these things happen," says clinical psychologist David Wexler, PhD, author of
When Good Men Behave Badly. "Sometimes an affair can be a wake-up call that leads to a better, happier relationship than the person was previously in. " Most men don't cheat because they're creepy womanizers. It often boils down to a lack of confidence when it comes to their love lives. "Anybody who stays in a relationship that isn't working feels like they're stuck and may not have the courage to break things off or be alone," says Lorie Teagno, PhD, coauthor of Intimacy After Infidelity. That is obviously a red flag but doesn't necessarily mean a man's next relationship is doomed. Whatever the reason he got some on the side, your odds of having a lasting relationship with a man who cheated improve if he wasn't married or engaged at the time, says psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman, author of The Truth About Cheating. "One of the reasons we don't marry someone is because we're not sure we want to be with this person for the rest of our lives," he says. "It shows he had doubts before you ever came along. " But it's entirely different в and emotionally dangerous в if a man cheats on his wife, Neuman says, because he's proved he can't honor a serious commitment. Moving Forward If you're concerned about the future of this new relationship, you should be, says couples therapist Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs. "It's not automatically true that if he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you, but you have to be very, very careful," she cautions.
And the faster he makes a clean break from his previous relationship, the better, Kirshenbaum says. Only then can the two of you begin to work on building a healthy new one. After that, everything in your romance should move slowly. To make sure you don't fall in love as recklessly as you fell into bed, Teagno recommends that you wait one or two months before starting over as two single people who are just beginning to get to know each other. "If you take time off, the chances of this working out are far greater," she says. Of course, you have to talk about the importance of honesty. Given his history, your guy needs to be prepared to be extremely open about his feelings в both positive and negative в and do whatever it takes to reassure you when he's away on a trip or out late with the boys. "In the long run, actions speak louder than words," Wexler says. "But if he can show that he's learned from his mistakes, this new relationship has the potential to last. " From online to the neighborhood bar, there are numerous ways to meet men. But just because a guy is persistent, attentive, and doesnБt wear a wedding ring doesnБt mean heБs available. How can you really tell? Fox News talked to, psychologist and director of the, about the four types of men who may be inclined to cheat so you can make better decisions while youБre out on the dating playing field. Next time you meet one of them, steer clear! Mr. Charming Who he is: Mr. Charming is hard to resist. HeБs smart, fun, likeable, exciting, and only likes to be around such people.
БBelieving he deserves to have what he wants, he sees the affair as rewarding him for the special person he is. To accept less than what he wants would make him feel like a fool. He could be БfineБ in his marriage yet still believe he should exercise his sexual prowess. Getting you means heБs still got it Б until he gets you,Б DePompo told Fox News. How to spot him: DePompo advised paying attention to his actions. БMr. Charming will lack real empathy when youБre let down, but then itБs hard for you to stay angry. HeБll focus on his own gratification, may tend to have a large age gap over you, spend money lavishly to impress, and is likely to find fault in others when problems occur. Б Mr. Deprived Who he is: Mr. DeprivedБs years of sexual frustration make him want to stray. БThough he and his wife may be good friends, heБs in the midst of a sexual self-esteem crisis and believes sex with you is a key piece to happiness. He has sexual fantasies that he cannot share with his spouse because she is not open to it or may put him down,Б DePompo said. Although there are aspects to his marriage that may work well, he feels a deep longing for this physical connection. How to spot him: Mr. Deprived may come across as extra flirty, and make unwelcomed sexual jokes and comments. БHeБll distract himself with porn, drinking, or will overwork himself,Б DePompo said. БHe may become hyper-focused on morals in order to minimize the importance of sex, exhibit jealousy or anger regarding otherБs happiness, and will tell you his wife does not like sex. Б Mr. Lonely Who he is: Mr. Lonely comes across like a sweet lost puppy, but heБs far from it. He lacks emotional connection and just wants validation and attention from you. БHe may find his wife/girlfriend to be demanding, and has learned it is БsaferБ to avoid conflict at home.
Mr. Lonely has a history of putting others first and now has a strong need for appreciation Б and this hasnБt been happening Б maybe ever. Though he considers the pros and cons of staying in the marriage, he is more focused on healing his hurt by connecting with you,Б DePompo explained. How to spot him: Look to see if he avoids expressing his needs and wants, DePompo said. БDoes he put others first, yet he is not happy about it? Does he make passive-aggressive comments or behaviors towards others? Mr. Lonely will over-work himself in order to stay away from home and will play the БmartyrБ role to get sympathy from others. Б Mr. Ready Who he is: Mr. Ready is so done with his marriage. He wants to move on, but it may or may not be with you, DePompo said. БHe has lost hope and does not expect loving feelings to return at home. Even if they could rekindle, he is spent and would not want it! He has considered the financial and parenting losses that would incur and is at peace with them. Б There is no confusion here; he is moving on. How to spot him: HeБs taking clear steps to move out and move on with his life. Б[Mr. Ready] talks to his close friends and family about his plans, and will go for counseling to sort out his feelings,Б DePompo said. БIf he hasnБt moved out yet, heБs sleeping in a separate bedroom. Б If he tells you heБs ending his marriage, does he at least have the documentation to prove it? Most of these four types of men have grown up with parents who didnБt maintain healthy relationships on their own, so they donБt have a good example of what that looks like, DePompo said. But regardless of the cause, he advised thinking twice before starting a relationship with any of these guys.
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