why does my girlfriend make me feel bad
I really just don t know what to do - I m not in a good place right now, so any advice is welcome. My GF and I have been dating for 2 years. I really just don t know if I m being inconsiderate to her or what. I guess the best way to explain is describe what happened today. Basically, both my GF and I are preparing for our graduate school exams. They are in a few days and we are both under the gun and stressed. She spent last night at my apartment (only a few blocks from hers), but I really wanted to be alone tonight. So during the drive home from the library, I say you know I d like to just crash at my place alone - is that okay? Immediately, I hear it - I ve heard it so many times before. Her voice is low and quiet, she is clearly hurt, and she says its fine. She averts her eyes from me and removes her hand from my arm - her way of passively letting me know that she is hurt. As we approached her apartment, she says I just feel like I want to spend all my time with you, and you never want to spend your time with me.
Tears were swelling in her eyes, I felt like I had done a horribly thing. I tried to explain, that it s not that - I just need to be able to have my own space sometimes. It has nothing to do with her - its me, I ve always been like this. I don t know, maybe other people don t have this need - but something I just like to sit on my couch and think of nothing in particular. I just can t describe how I feel. This is not the first time we ve had this conversation when I ve wanted to just be at my apartment alone. But, I just thought. of all the times to let it go - is when we are both incredibly stressed out. Instead, she stormed out of my car with a quick goodnight and briskly walked to her door. I was left sitting in the car knowing that I hurt her. Feeling like total garbage - because I wanted to spend time alone. I don t know what to feel. I m grappling with the fact that she isn t wrong to be hurt (? ) I mean, but I don t think I m wrong for wanting my own space and time (especially when we are so stressed).
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I know she is very clingy, but we generally have a great relationship. But small things (or at least small things to me) set her off - and she makes me feel like I ve done the most insulting thing possible. Maybe I just am not looking at this correctly. Open to advice! Please! [Sorry for the wall of text]
We are not married yet because we do not believe in marriage, and those stupid christian myths and we don't let ourselves getting social pressure from Christians who ONLY go to church once in their lives to get married and then never go again in their lives. A wedding is something to show off about, a celebration. A very expensive celebration that needs a lot of organization, stress and preparation. Do no feel pressured by anyone about marriage ever! Marriage comes when you are financially stable in life, have your own home, car and feel secured with each of your problems. It seems like you have issues with this lady. It doesn't mean you have to let her down or that she isn't right for you. If she's been that long with you and she is an attractive one that claims to attract men then she would've dumped you for someone else.
She stayed with you for years because she loves you and despite all the attention she gets from the other sex she finds that you are the only one worth it. A good choice, a unique man. That's what she sees in you. Now if you don't feel comfortable with certain things you should go to her calmly and talk to her about it. Ask her if there is something about you that bothers her and that in a relationship you each have to learn to live with each others issues and solve them together before getting married and THAT'S WHAT MOST MARRIED COUPLE DON'T DO. Being married doesn't mean you are well-off in life, happy and in love everyday. Couples who work hard together, learn to accept each other's flaws and mistakes and fix them to be better people are the ones who don't need to get married to be successful in love! Now be a man, take my advice and go to her. Believe me I know what I am talking about.
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