why does my girlfriend always get mad at me
Okay hopeful someone can give me direction on where to take this relationship. My girlfriend is always mad at me (well thatÁs the way she makes me feel) for no reason. Or maybe a reason I donÁt see. She s easily gets upset at everything she is never happy. If a resturant doesn t have coke, it s a fit, and wastes so much engery over beging angry. Today we went out to eat along with other friends, and around other people Im pretty quiet; and I ate my plate, but I saw that my girlfriend was eating her fish, but couldnÁt finish it. And our friends commented Áyeah thereÁs still more fish leftÁ. Then when I said, Áyah thereÁs a lot of fishÁ she snapped and said, Áwell I offered you some and you didnÁt want any! Á So first she gets upset at me in front of other people for no reason and then she says things that arenÁt true. She never offered me fish. I swear she always does this. I feel like she got too comfortable with me and so gets mad at me. Treats me differently --well I mean differently like she is annoyed by me (or thatÁs what I perceive). She always says something that isnÁt true --like for example ÁI told you alreadyÁ. Á When clearly, she never did. And I m well aware of girls out there always saying that guys donÁt pay attention. But trust me I really do. I pay close attention to everything; its part of my career to do so. I even take notes sometimes of important dates or events, I carry my calendar with me and am always writing things down (of course she never notices it --I do it discreetly).
Once I told her, Á please donÁt expect me to read your mind because most of the time I canÁt. Á So I try very hard to be nice and considerate, and stress free in her life, but she only seems to do the opposite in it and makes every matter difficult. She takes small matters and makes a big deal out of them --again I know girls are attentive to detail but seriously she gets mad at me for thinking the service was bad or voicing my opinion or that I though I had to pay a different amount. I was expressing gratitude to her the other day for her for pushing me to go to the doctor --told her that if it weren t for her I wouldn t have visited the doctor for my stomach flu. She responds, with a strong character well your dumb for not doing it. I seriously felt disrespected. She only gets mad when its me, and not at anyone else. When sheÁs on her period, itÁs the worse week. I just disappear for a couple days and she finally calls me like nothing happened. Sometimes I donÁt even bother arguing with her anymore, because I know in some cases where she is 100% clearly wrong and says things that arenÁt true. Seriously Im not crazy or a lunatic or anything I have my head on straight and analyze things pretty well. Is it just me? I mean is it me that im doing something wrong?
Why doesnÁt she act sweet like I do to her? Does she not see that? How can I talk to her without making her mad? Her brother even jokes around with me, that sheÁs got an attitude and wonders why I am with her. And yes it makes me feel less of a man as if im scared of her or some psychological aspect on that. I am not. Sometimes I just donÁt want to put up with her and her negative attitude. Man, I care about her I do, but all this is making me less and less attracted to her and I am getting sadden by that its a confusing feeling. Any thoughts would help. Im 28 and sheÁs 30 if that matters.
Warning: This answer is based on the possibly completely incorrect assumption that the person you are in relationship with has a personality disorder, specifically Borderline Personality Disorder. The most common underlying problem with BPD is a fear of abandonment, which results in frantic efforts to avoid it (real or imagined. ) You gave some examples of when she flies off the handle (which is what people with BPD do): me saying some inappropriate jokes, the fact that I was frequently late or the fact that I was frequently a bit absent-minded or absorbed in other things. If she felt unloved or disrespected by the joke, she may have made the leap (common for this) that you might not love her. If you're late, you might not care for her. If you're absorbed in something else, you don't love her enough to pay attention to her.
You responded by changing your behavior, and it still isn't enough. Yet she got worse. It's interesting that she does this with her family, because abandonment is a fear with those closest to someone with BPD. Friends tend to be treated differently. The friendships shift and are unstable (not speaking to one or the other, or playing one off of the other. ) Living with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder is often described as "constantly walking on eggshells" because you never know what will send them into an angry tirade. -A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation) -Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating -Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting - Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days -Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger -Having stress-related paranoid thoughts -Having severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality Seemingly ordinary events may trigger symptoms. For example, people with borderline personality disorder may feel angry and distressed over minor separationsÁsuch as vacations, business trips, or sudden changes of plansÁfrom people to whom they feel close.
Impulsiveness is often also an effort to make themselves feel more loved: buying themselves gifts, falling into relationships quickly, etc. The emptiness is that even love doesn't make the person feel whole. Nothing makes the person feel valuable or whole. Obviously the last one is very serious, but the paranoid thoughts may just be expressed as, "no one loves me", "(x) hates me, I know she does", "Your sister has it out for me", its. Living with someone with BPD is really mentally exhausting. Girlfriend gets extremely angry over small issues, how can I help her? You can't. She needs therapy. If any on this sounds familiar, then please insist that your significant other get help from a therapist equipped to handle personality disorders. Many therapists cannot. It is usually diagnosed by a Psychiatrist then treated by a therapist with adequate training. If it is only an anger management issue, an anger management course would be a great idea. I recommend them for anyone and everyone. If this sounds familiar though, you might want to think if you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this, because people with Personality Disorders are very hard to live with, and some are very resistant to treatment. Please tell me if I'm way off here, and if I am, I'll remove this answer.
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