why does my 3 year old cry so much
My son is the same. I have learned though, that my son is just very sensitive and he actually always has been. It gets pretty annoying and frustrating. I find it helps to write down how I feel when he cries (when I have a free moment of course! ) so that I can also sort out my own feelings and remember to keep this seperate from the situation (I feel this is very important. getting angry, impatient, frustrated - at my son never helps! lol). (for example, I feel failure because I do sometimes equate his happiness with my ability as a parent, this in turn makes me feel angry - with him and myself. why can't I get anything right?!. etc etc. ). Once I have sorted out what my actual feelings are, I can talk with someone about them - a close, like minded friend for example. And then I can better understand myself and in turn, better realise how I can deal with the situations as and when they arise (and they often do! lol). Some people are just emotional and sensitive. This is my son. I have learned to accept this and who he is. The crying does not bother me as much now. I know a lot of it is simply because I grew up to be uncomfortable with feelings. It is not because I am a failure as a parent. I validate his feelings often - he
needs this. I also try and help him see the lighter side of life without ever shaming him for his feelings. I don't ever want him to feel like he has to bottle his feelings up or that feelings are bad or undesirable or that he has to hide his sadness and tears.
I grew up like that and find it painful to cry in front of people - I wish I felt as free as he did. I think learning how to look at a situation and work out how to solve our problems about it - without melting down into tears first (you know, oh dear, I am unhappy with that cup, I shall just tell my mum I would rather have a differnent one. rather than bursting into tears at the first thought of it! lol). is something that just comes with time. And we can only help our children during this learning process by being open with them and listening to them and comforting them when need. My goal is never to stop my son from crying - he just needs to cry. They will get there in the end (I dont know anyone my age. that isnt hormonal lol. that just bursts into tears at every unhappiness they encounter! ). Surely they have to. I trust this! (just as much as I trusted my son would eventually find his own indpendence - he did. and he will eventually sleep in his own bed, etc! lol) The dilemma I have a 28-month-old who constantly whines. She dislikes everything and constantly wants her daddy, who can't stand the noise, so we don't live together. She has been like this since she was born, 10 weeks early. I feel she is in pain in some way, but nobody wants to listen.
Why else would a perfectly normal child be miserable all this time? It doesn't make any sense. I have two other children from my first marriage and they were fine. She has a paediatrician, but even he thinks she is fine. She is on Osmolax to help her bowels, but it doesn't work. I can't stand it anymore, I'm very depressed. I don't like her, but I love her and want to do the right thing, but nothing works. I have tried everything I know. Mariella replies Please take this letter and show it to your GP tomorrow morning, as it's no longer just your baby who needs help but also you. I can't stress more strongly how important it is that you sit down with a medical professional or social worker and explain exactly how you are feeling within yourself and also about your little girl. You've been very brave in articulating what a surprising number of parents feel, but don't dare express at some point in the parenting process. Admitting to anything but all-consuming adoration for your baby is these days considered unacceptable, but there are few (mothers, particularly, as they are often the ones left to cope) who haven't at some point had similar thoughts, silenced by social pressure and fear of stigma. Do you have a good friend you can talk to? Sometimes it helps to be reminded that you're not alone in trying to cope with a challenging child. It's perfectly possible to love your toddler, but struggle to like them when times are hard.
Plenty of mothers have experienced similar sensations at some point or other, but failed to express them as well as you have done. I'm presuming your GP has discussed the possibility of with you? The separation from your partner and the demands of your troubled little girl have doubtless made you emotionally vulnerable and you may be battling a mental disorder that you need support and medication for. If all fathers moved out because a child was whining there would be an epidemic of single mothers. Your husband's place should be at your side shouldering joint responsibility, not absent, and blaming a two-year-old's crying for his selfish choice. If your relationship couldn't handle the strain of one troublesome baby it was unlikely to survive the many challenges further down the road. Your child is entirely innocent and most likely suffering some health-related issue that has yet to be diagnosed. It won't be the first time a child's suffering has taken too long to diagnose because of their inability to articulate their symptoms. That's why you must contact your GP straight away and get them to take seriously your feelings and the strain you are under. Please also don't forget that babies are emotional sponges who soak up the atmosphere around them. If you are feeling angry and ignored it's very likely that your baby is reacting to that, too.
There is plenty that can be done to help find the cause of your child's troubles, but in these tough economic times you may need to stamp your foot a bit harder to get the attention of social services. You have every right to do so в that's why we all pay our NI contributions, so make sure your voice is heard. There are also independent bodies you can contact for help, such as Lives and the helplines Parentline (0808 800 2222) and the Samaritans (08457 90 90 90 в they are there to help everyone, not just the suicidal). All are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Believe me when I say you are not alone. Most importantly of all please remember that children pass through many different phases as they grow toward adulthood, as you'll have experienced with your older kids. This needy, disgruntled baby will soon be entering the school gates, you'll blink and she'll be a teenager and too soon after that waving you goodbye в I've no doubt your relationship with her will evolve and blossom along the way. Sometimes trapped in the vortex of mothering it's hard to see the fuller picture, and you are clearly going through such a patch. Don't beat yourself up or blame your baby. We all need a bit of help and support from time to time. If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to. Follow Mariella on Twitter
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