women who love too much by robin norwood
Norwood is talking about women--everybody knows at least one, probably more--who find nice, stable and appropriate men b-o-r-i-n-g, who prefer angry, elusive men in need of understanding, troubled men in need of fixing and comforting. These women may sense they have a problem, though not as alarming a problem as Norwood suggests. They know being in love is not supposed to mean being in pain all the time. They know they`re wrong to think if they love him enough he`ll change, that the holes in the relationship will close up. They may realize that the men they love are just plain unavailable. But they can`t tear themselves away--and therein the junkie analogy. These women are so obsessed, so fearful of abandonment they`ll do most anything to keep the relationship, however rotten, from caving in. ``Like drugs, these women use relationships to alter their emotional states,`` Norwood says. ``They`re hurting and they want this man to appear, to say the right thing so that they can feel differently.
When he goes away or doesn`t do those things, the woman keeps turning to him like someone turns to a drug, wanting it to work. Like with drugs, the relationship keeps her out of touch with reality, out of touch with how sick she is getting. And it gets worse, not better. She grows more dependent on him and begins to ignore all the other sources of good things in the world. ``
Norwood`s Santa Barbara, Cal. , practice is loaded with these women; she calls them ``Women Who Love Too Much`` (she says she used to be one herself) and her book by that title is newly published by Jeremy P. Tarcher Inc. ($14. 95). This isn`t another in the ample, frothy summer supply of how-to-find-men, husbands, millionaires, etc. books. Norwood, in fact, says she resisted pressure to make the book ``lighter. `` ``I`m not telling anyone how to find a man,`` she says. ``We have to stop for a while and work on our own healing. `` To that end, Norwood suggests that women organize--not for endless, kaffeeklatch gripe sessions about that darn boyfriend or mate, but to focus on themselves, their own self-destructive thoughts and behaviors.
Says Norwood: ``In A. A. they say, `Come to our meeting and if you need to go back out and drink, go ahead. But you know what? We`ll have ruined your drinking for you. It won`t be fun anymore. ` That`s what I want to do, I want to ruin the obsession for women, to take the romance out of it so that if women start to fall into it, they can recognize what`s happening, not stand by the window melodramatically, with the tears rolling down their face. I want to ruin their suffering for them. `` The relationship classic hailed by Erica Jong as Бlife-changingББnow updated with a new introduction and resource section!
The #1 New York Times bestseller that asks: are you a woman who loves too much? -Do you find yourself attracted again and again to troubled, distant, moody menБwhile Бnice guysБ seem boring? -Do you obsess over men who are emotionally unavailable, addicted to work, hobbies, alcohol, or other women? -Do you neglect your friends and your own interests to be immediately available to him? -Do you feel empty without him, even though being with him is torment? Robin Norwood's groundbreaking work will enable you to recognize the roots of your destructive patterns of relating and provide you with a step-by-step guide to a more rewarding way of living and loving. If being in love means being in pain, you need to read Women Who Love Too Much.
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