why does my boyfriend still have an online dating profile
Okay, so you met him online but youÁre wondering why he hasnÁt deleted his
online dating profile yet. You can even see heÁs been active on his profile recently and youÁre notá sure what this means. There are 5 plausible reasons why the guy youÁre dating still has an active online datingá profile. 1. HeÁs just looking for casual flingsá or one-nighterÁs. LetÁs be honest, youá have to sift through a lot of online dating profiles to determine who is looking toá get laid, versus the ones that truly want a relationship. If his profile is still active,á he may think things are just casual between you two. 2. He wants to keep his options open. Some people find it hard to shut downá their online dating profile in fear that there could be someone better out there. á ItÁs the idea that the Ágrass is always greener,Á a mindset that often yieldsá unsatisfactory dating lives. Hunting through profiles can be addictive and if thisá guy is continually on the look out for the Ánext best thing,Á why bother? 3. HeÁs really bad at cheating discreetly. Number 3 applies to those that haveá established a relationship after a few dates and have had a discussion regardingá monogamy. In this circumstance, he may just be naöve to think you would not logá back into your account to check if he still has an active online dating profile. á Trust your instincts. 4. ItÁs too soon to go off the site. á You canÁt expect him to delete his onlineá dating profile immediately until you have developed a rapport. In a perfectá world, you would meet and both of you would immediately delete your profiles. á However, each relationship moves at itÁs own pace. In this circumstance, theá relationship is not serious enough to delete the account yet, but if things areá moving ahead and he still has an active online dating profile, thereÁs a problem. 5.
He forgot to close his account. á This is the least likely option out of the five, but honestly some guys don t even think about it,á especially if it s a free site he s notá getting billed for. á Chances are itÁs one of the other reasons, but hey, you never know. á The best thing to do if youÁre questioning the status of your relationship and why hisá online dating profile is still active is to communicate with him! If youÁve developed enough of a rapport with this guy and youÁre ready for a relationship,á talk to him. DonÁt accuse him of still having his online dating profile active, ratherá approach the situation from a place where youÁre expressing how you feel and what youÁre looking for out of the relationship. At that point, you two can discussá deleting your online dating profiles. Most of the time you wonÁt have to ask him to delete his online dating profile. When youá like someone, you just do it. Are you tired of meeting people online? Come out to a today! Dear Eva, IÁd been cheerfully single for about 3. 5 years, and wasnÁt looking for anyone when I met a wonderful man. We started seeing each other initially as friends Á we have a lot of shared interests Á and then one day he jumped on me and the relationship became increasingly physical. So far, so good Á until we were both looking at something on his laptop, and a dating website came up as one of his most visited sites. I asked him about this, and told him that while I had no wish to pry into his personal life, the question for me was whether he was looking to keep his options open for now, it being early days. He denied it, said that heÁd been telling any interested parties that he was involved with someone (me) Á and that heÁd look into taking down the profile.
I thought no more of it, apart from a feeling that something was ÁoffÁ Á then I visited the website about a month later. Cut a long story short, heÁd logged in that day, not just to that site but to a related one. A quick Google search on his user name revealed another three, all with very recent logins. I raised this with him, and he still swore blind that he hadnÁt met up with anyone since meeting me and was responding that he wasnÁt available for a relationship. At that stage I was ready to end the relationship and leave him to it. He was still really, really insistent that he wasnÁt looking for anyone else, and would look again at cancelling the sites. We really do get on very well, which is why IÁm hanging fire at the moment. HeÁs also a bit of a dipstick when it comes to computers (weÁre both in our 50s and havenÁt grown up with them, though IÁm a lot more computer literate than he is) and given how IÁve seen him struggle with searches/purchases on eBay, I can appreciate that he might not be able to get his head round hiding a profile on a website so I havenÁt cut and run. Yet. Any thoughts? Hey, you. It is true that lots of people set up online dating profiles without ever taking action or using them to meet someone. This has been most acutely demonstrated over the last week by the, which revealed that the site had millions of straight male subscribers, but very few women signed up. In other words, many of the guys who claimed that they never used it to meet women were probably telling the truth: there were few women for them to meet. So I donÁt think itÁs impossible that the man you are dating is not actually using the site with intent to meet someone, so much as to flirt or assess his worth on the dating market.
Anyone who has done online dating seriously will confirm that there always seems to be people lurking on the edges, folks who are up for a chat but not for a meeting. This may not be the most polite way to go about things, but itÁs their prerogative. But that said, even if this guy is an idiot with computers who isnÁt getting together in person with women heÁs meeting online, if heÁs continuing to log in, itÁs not unreasonable to conclude that heÁs doing this to feel that heÁs either keeping his options open, or that heÁs looking for the ego boost that comes from strangers finding him attractive. Neither reflects well on him, or his self-esteem, or the way that he feels about your relationship. It is very kind of you to look for the best in this situation. IÁm not sure that the man youÁre seeing is being kind enough back. An extra tricky thing here is the kind of research that itÁs taken you to reveal this activity. It would not be unreasonable for him to feel a bit miffed that youÁre checking up on him behind his back; you are. But itÁs also not unreasonable for you to feel a bit miffed that heÁs doing exactly what you feared. HereÁs what I suggest: have an open, clear conversation with him about the kind of commitment youÁre looking for. DonÁt center it around whether or not heÁs talking to women online; focus on the reality of your in-real-life relationship, and where youÁd like to see it go. Six weeks isnÁt too early to have a conversation about commitment. I think that conversation will help you learn pretty quickly whether you think itÁs worth giving him a bit more time or whether itÁs time for you to move on. Love,
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