why does he keep cheating on me

What most people on here fail to realize is that people are fallible, both men and women. Cheating is not a particularly healthy way of dealing with relationship problems, chiefly because it is very easy to idealize someone we are not with 24/7. Real life is full of tiresome responsibilities, paying the mortgage, going to work fixing the car, doing the housework, paying bills etc, which do not tend to feature in affairs. Affairs are like holidays, not real life. Having an affair takes time and money away from dealing with the root of the problems, which is what is really needed. Some people do change after being caught having an affair, but I suspect that most do not. I would disagree on monitoring your partner, it is is a fair way to confirm your suspicions and secondly, in the UK under the matrimonial causes act, adultery is a just reason for divorce, but has to be demonstrated. Personally, having been in this position and my ex-husband went with me to couples counselling just to string me along.


Whilest I was making every effort and giving him the space he wanted, he was online to his mistress, signed himself upto match. com and was happily misbehaving, blissfully unaware that it was being recorded. I told him that I knew of his behaviour and that I wanted him to go, but he stuck around, so I told him that as he was not monogamous that I would not be investing so much in our relationship in the future. And I did not. He soon left when 3 course meals, sex on tap and wife in slinky lingerie dried up. He went after the mistress, but things did not work out with her either. Came back and begged and I refused to take him back, he had had his chance to be faithful and been forgiven once for his infidelity, I was not about to repeat the mistake. He tried to run me over for starting divorce procedures, but I divorced him never the less. The police contacted my parents in December 2015, worried about my safety.


After establishing that I was OK, I was asked to contact another police force with regard to my ex. When I did so they told me that he had remarried and he had attacked his new family. They had arrested, charged and bailed him. Later, new evidence came to light and he was remanded into prison. Unfortunately, the new wife withdrew her statements and the Crown Prosecution dropped the case. I do think that people need to be more realistic about relationships and both parties need to work hard to maintain them, as they are the responsibility of both parties involved. Jibaro sad to say you come across as extraordinarily misogynistic. If I was in Elaine's shoes after forgiving him the first time, I would be holding the door open for him to go hoping that he took the hint, but if he did not take that hint, I would hope that a lack of attention in the bedroom would work, but in the event of that not working time to find a lover. Why should a woman continue to invest in a relationship where the guy is cheating, unless it is an open relationship and she is able to do the same.


Frankly, I have personally been through so much, I no longer look for monogamous relationships and think that polyamory is a much more honest way of being, it is a lot less hassle to as I do not invest so much in those relationships.
All my relationships with men have ended when I've found out they've been with other women. Even my dad used to try it on with my school friends. Not only was my husband seeing to my neighbour, he was also doing it with the cleaner. When I finished with him, I was still deeply in love with him. Our sex life was good and we had so much going for us. Now I've met a man I love very much and he's just asked me to marry him. But I think it's fairly obvious he may be seeing other women. I'm scared to investigate further, and I don't want to lose him. Does that make me a doormat? The trauma of having had a father who violated boundaries has had a lasting affect on your ability to feel safe and comfortable in an adult relationship.


You experience love in a way that is familiar to you from your childhood, when both caring and betrayal went hand in hand. It is true that, even when they're happy, some men в and women в have secret sexual liaisons outside their primary partnerships. And many married people flirt with and fantasise about others in a harmless fashion в and accept that behaviour in their spouses. But I sense you are having particular difficulty because you are still reworking an old wound. Seek healing from an accredited psychotherapist, so eventually you can be free to make healthy love choices and truly experience adult love and sex without such acute ambiguity. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. Send your problem to private. lives@theguardian. com

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