why do white women marry black men

People say the darndest things sometimes, and when it comes to interracial dating, it seems they just can't help themselves. Last week, we wrote
on the and the reaction was incredible. While some people seemed to appreciate us tackling a topic that affects so many, others were quick to dismiss it as racist and unnecessary. Our political history fuels the scrutiny of interracial relationships. After all, South Africa is the home of apartheid, the, which corralled different racial groups into different geographical areas, and, which made it illegal for black and white people to marry or have sex. And just because we're doesn't mean people's minds have changed. We asked white women to share their experiences too and it turned out to be uglier than we could imagine. 1. "Aren't you able to make any white friends? " Of course I can, clearly I've chosen not to be with them. 2. "This is just a phase for you. " So you know my life better than I do? Mmmkay. 3. "You're just making a statement, this isn't a genuine decision. " And you would know this how, exactly? 4. "Don't black people smell? " You're rude AF. Go clean your mouth. 5. "Will your coloured children have coloured accents? " This isn't a real thing and you know it. 6. "The cultures are so different, you won't fit in. " Because I'd fit right in with every white family in the world? We're just one giant homogenous group? 7. "He's your rebellion. " You're so intuitive.

How did you come up with that? 8. "He's a nice guy and everything, but I just can't get my head around it. " Let's assume there's nothing in your head then? 9. "Doesn't it feel like he's going to swallow you with his lips? " Now you're just being stupid. 10. "Is it true what they say? " Uuuurgh. 11. "He's an old black guy who just saw his chance to get lucky with a white girl. " Ever stop to think I actually want to be with this person? 12. "We are tired of women like you stealing our men. You are using witchcraft! You have a magic vagina! " If my vagina was magic, I would probably be with some super famous man or something. No? 13. "You're a whore/ slut. " While the rest of us are fighting against slut shaming, this is what you're doing? OK. 14. "But isn't their hair dirty? " Is your hair greasy all the time? 15. "If my daughter dated a black person, I would kill her. " I can't believe this. Also you would be charged with murder. 16. "Do black people only do it in doggy style? " Just leave. 17. "So how's Osama? " Would you like me to find out how Hitler or Verwoerd are? 18. "But, what religion is he even? " What religion are you? 19. "Your little samoosas are going to be so cute (referring to future kids). " You're saying children are edible? You're problematic. 20. "So you like it spicy, huh? " This is so lame and you know it. 21. "Is his penis purple? " This doesn't deserve an answer.

February is the month of love. At the Huffington Post South Africa, we take a look at how South Africans are finding and holding on to love. Author Shubnum Khan tells us about how cross-border romances are made or broken, tech journalist Nafisa Akabor looks at how social media replaced your meet-cute and lifestyle editor Sarah Koopman has some advice on how to get away from that tired old dinner-and-a-movie setup. Find them all and more, or try these. By David Ball (Own work) [GFDL ( ), CC-BY-SA-3. 0 ( ) or CC BY 2. 5 ( )], via Wikimedia Commons. Dear White Women married to Black Men, we didnt give you a Black Card. Stop acting like you have one. I should have written this a long time ago, but the idea of again stating the obvious is just exhausting. Here goes anyway White women, if youre married to a black man and have children, heres a newsflash: Youre still white. You dont get an honorary black card, black membership or black pass. I dont care what your husband or his family says. Youre not black. Stop with the we are oppressed nonsense. Youre not oppressed. You dont experience racism. Youre not one of us. I know youre confused because your husband tells you differently. I dont know what his problem is, but hes not helping you or black people by saying he sees you as black.

Obviously he had an identity crisis before he met you and hasnt bothered to work that out. Maybe he doesnt want to because he knows what well tell him: No, shes white. And she will always be white. Stop telling her shes the blackest white person you know. Youre supporting her white nonsense at our expense. Call her out when she steps out of her lane. No. CALL. HER. OUT. Your wife steps out of her lane all the time. Shes so horrible, she ignores the fact lanes even exist. You sit and watch her shut down black women who graciously step up to tell her shes harming them. You stay silent when she says white women cant tell her anything she doesnt already know. In other words, shes married to a black man, so she understands what its like to be black. Shes experienced racism firsthand. She actually says this as you smile proudly at her. Youre convinced your belligerent white wife is down for the cause. Except shes not. Your wife is just loud and performative. Shes one of those white people who yells at the top of her lungs about racism. But she doesnt care that shes drowning out black voices. All she knows is shes fighting white people all white people. The problem with this is true allies arent the ones she should be fighting.

But to hear her tell it, shes the best ally to black folks. All the while, shes actually the worst. What about white people who really do the work? They understand part of that process is listening when theyre told theyre overstepping and silencing black people. They open their minds when we say theyre being way too extra. What do I mean by extra? Instead of amplifying black voices, you clamp your hand over our mouths and say youre speaking for us. Instead of supporting the cause, you say youre the most affected by racism. Your biracial babies are oppressed more than any other black person on the planet. You throw your body in front of theirs as if theres some kind of Oppression Olympics you have to win. Yes, your babies face racism. Yes, as a mother, you protect them. Yes, you fight racism so your girls have a brighter future. But you do none of this at the expense of black people. Yet you do it. Over and over again. Black people have stepped in numerous times to educate you. It works for a time. But like a cyclone, you come roaring back with the same old caustic, performative rhetoric. Its the most dysfunctional merry-go-round Ive ever ridden. And I refuse to ride anymore. If you wont listen to black voices, this black voice will no longer provide labor to try to educate you. I am done.

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