why do you have to be so rude

Saturday morning, jumped out of bed
Got in my car, raced like a jet Yeah, yeah Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know "Tough luck, my friend, but the answer is no! " Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? Yeah, no matter what you say Why you gotta be so rude? I hate to do this, you leave no choice Love me or hate me, we will be boys To another galaxy, you know Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know "Tough luck, my friend, 'cause the answer's still no! " Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? Why you gotta be so rude? Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know "Tough luck, my friend, but no still means no" Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? Why you gotta be so rude? Why you gotta be so rude? Why you gotta be so rude? Due to lasting legacy of racism and, crossing the borders of in the act of choosing oneБs mate can carry serious consequence, and some instances, considerable push back from oneБs would-be in-laws. Crossing racial borders challenges the organizing principle of homogamy that has held that couple and family formation is an enterprise that is biologically based, and racially Бpure.


Б Homogamy is the principle that similarities in background between partners predict stability, satisfaction and in relationships. Hence, interracial couples, much like gay and lesbian couples, disturb and perturb narrowly punctuated norms about what are legitimate and acceptable family units in our society. Further, a hierarchy of acceptability exists among various interracial couple combinations. Lewandowski and Jackson (2001) found that African American/European American couples were perceived as significantly less compatible than Asian American/European American couples. Respondents in the study found it easier to imagine themselves in an interracial with an Asian American than with an African American partner, highlighting a persistent resistance to black and white interracial combinations. Looking at data from the General Social Survey, we can get a sense of just how controversial, and potentially divisive, racial border crossings still are. Many persons report that they do not oppose interracial relationships in the abstract, but would it surprise you to hear that almost half of whites, blacks, and other ethnic minorities reported profound ambivalence (i. e. , they neither support nor oppose) about a close relative marrying interracially?


These results indicate that there are a lot of people in the U. S. (well over 60%) who are not comfortable with interracial marriage when asked to consider how they would feel if it happened in their family. Further, the race of the partner makes a difference, with three times as many persons in the БOtherБ category (not black or white) expressing opposition to a family member marrying a black person than marrying a white person. The idea of border police and stakeholders from the dominant group protecting their territory also helps explain why 29. 1% of white persons, but only 14. 7% of black persons, opposed or strongly opposed the prospect of a family member marrying across this border. This finding is borne out in my own research on multiracial families, where black families tended to be more welcoming of white partners than in the reverse scenario. The consumption of such statistics supports a notion about Бthe bestБ or Бmost acceptableБ approach to social and intimate relationsБhomogamy (Killian 2001, 2003). Society in general, as well as folks in the academy, have subscribed to homogamy, making dire predictions about interracial couples chances for bliss.


Researchers are beginning to find that interracial couples are actually not doomed to failure, and there has been some movement away from the discourse of homogamy in the academy. But society is still quite invested in this principle of mate selection, and resist racially different persons from crossing the border of the family. I close with the lyrics of a current song by Magic! , with a reggae vibe, entitled БRudeБ that speaks to this continuing phenomenon: Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human tooБ. I'm gonna marry her anyway Yeah, no matter what you sayБ. And we'll be a family б Kyle D. Killian, PhD is author ofб б Crossing Racial Borders б from Columbia University Press. References Killian, K. D. б 2001a. Reconstituting racial histories and identities: The narratives of б interracial couples. б Journal of Marital and 27:23-37. Killian, K. D. 2003. б Homogamy outlaws: Interracial couplesБ strategic responses to racism and partner differences. Journal of Couple and Relationship 2:3-21. Lewandowski, D. A. Linda A. Jackson. б 2001. Perceptions of interracial couples:б Prejudice at the dyadic level. Journal of Black Psychology 27:288-303.

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