why do we love those who hurt us
Why Do We Fall In Love With The Ones Who Hurt Us The Most? In my lifetime, I am confident to say that I have fallen in love twice, and both stories ended the same way. Both guys had similarities such as being from the same primary and secondary schools, had good looks, or at least that was my definition of Бgood lookingБ, had lots of female attention, including mine, and last but not least, they broke my heart. I fell in love at a very young age. You must be thinking that how can anyone at the age of 12 know what love is. Well, I knew that was love because it took me 5 years to get over this guy, my first love. We knew each other when we were 10. We fought a lot when we saw each other, we could never get along and we never hesitated to get the other into trouble. 2 years passed and things changed. Many would say it was puppy love, young kids are starting to notice about the opposite gender and feelings of alienation change to fondness. The БbullyingБ still continued but the motive was different, more like to attract the otherБs attention. He did it very well because I fell for it. Mobile phones were not readily available at that time during our age and it was fun, seeing him making the effort to call me secretly, walk me out after our lessons, joining the same activities together so that we could spend time with each other in discreet. As much as I wished for it to be a Бhappily ever afterБ, along came a tall, tanned and very pretty girl, who happened to be one of my closest friends at that time, managed to capture his heart and that was the end of us. My heart broke and I cried frequently to sleep, dreaming that he would return one day. 4 years later, they broke up and time was not our side as I met someone new, someone that reminded me so much of him. I enrolled in college and I met someone who was very much like me, who was fun and was very charming. He was a guy who could talk. He had a tongue that could talk his way to a girlБs heart. He had eyes that could mesmerize someone just by making eye contact. He could sing and serenade one with the guitar. He was smart and he knew how to play with feelings. I was aware of how he was like as a person but I still wanted to be with him.
However, he was attached when I first knew him so time was not on our side. A year later, they broke up. It took me a couple of months later to tell him how I felt. I remembered it being scary because it was my first time telling a boy how I felt about him. I recall after writing him an old-school letter, his reaction was broadcasted with a tweet, as he thought it was an April FoolБs joke. Well, I did not blame him for that because I did send it a couple of days before 1st April 2012. At that time, I realized that he did not share the same feelings as I did for him. Who could blame him as he had just broken up a couple of months before but I was indeed heartbroken because I thought we had a connection. Days later, he contacted me and asked me out. We started dating and it happened. Sadly, good things always come to an end for me. He thought my intuition for cheating was not strong enough for me to pick up that something amiss. He was seeing another girl and texting her behind my back. The same thing was happening all over again, just that this time, I was older and I was more emotional than the last time. I cried myself to sleep every night for months, and I could comprehend the reason for me to feel like this again and again. Falling in love taught me a lot. However, it made me think and question myself why I let myself go through the same cycle twice, knowing that it brought me so much pain the first time. After much thought, I found the answer to my question Б why do we fall in love with the ones who tend to hurt us the most? Well, I realized that I can never run away from the fact that I am constantly seeking for that love and that perfectly imperfect relationship that has blinded me from coming clean with myself that love is not what I thought it was. Falling in love and being loved by someone is much more than just being patient, kind and forgiving. No, I am not implying that one should blame himself or herself for everything that has gone wrong in the relationship. I am saying that I keep falling in love with the people that are not right for me and vice versa. Perhaps the first lesson was not hurtful enough for me to learn much from it.
However, the second time round, it taught me that I let these guys hurt me. I was vulnerable to hurt which should not have been the case. I need to first find myself and know myself so that I can prevent all these from happening, then IБm ready to fall in love and to be loved by my other half. Only then, I have truly know who and what I want in a relationship and be contented with myself and not demand so much from the other.
Have you ever seen best friends turning the worst of foes, lovers hating each other brother becoming enemies? My guess would be, if you are a person who have spent a substantial amount of time in this world, you wouldn t have only seen something like this but most probably have been a part of it. First of all, this world teaches us to be very stingy with our love and even if we decide to spread it, trust is always an issue. Somewhere we come out of this muddle to start our journey on the path of love. This love could be for a friend, a sweetheart or a relative. PWe enjoy our journey till loved one emotionally hurts us. Let s be honest, we are come in our which would not please us. Two individuals could never exist simultaneously without differences. What happens when we have a conflict with a person we don t know very well? Nothing much, we end up criticizing the person, discussing it with a close one and totally forgetting about it. But, what happens, when we have the same or lesser kind of conflict with a loved one? WE WANT TO HURT THE PERSON MORE THAN THE HURT HE IS GIVING US! It is better to hurt and make person go through the same hell you are going through, rather than being hurt alone. It is crazy to admit the power the other person has over you. You go into a rage and without thinking start saying or doing things whichPnot only hurt you the other person but also the relationship. PWhenever we love a person we give a lot of power to that person and it frustrates us Pwhen we don t feel the same importance reciprocated. Then comes the role of our EGO. After the episode, even if we feel bad and want to patch stuff, ourP doesn t allow us to do so. We live with the bleak feeling which kills us, we want to be with the other person but decide to continue burning in the fire of rage even if it makes us sad and miserable.
P I fed my EGO, but not my soul. - Then there is this expectation of being in a perfect relationship. We expect everything from one. PWe grow up with this fantasy, media makes it stronger, of having an ideal relationship which obviously means the other person need to be perfect. We can t cope with our partners challenges limitations, and that makes us mad at them. We start overlooking their positives and get caught in the web of negativities, resulting in us hurting our loved ones more and more. We are also the closest to them, so they are the ones who know us best. It is inevitable that they are also aware of our limitations and if in a healthy relationship, they ll share it with us. It is very difficult to take criticism from a loved one. We become vindictive and try to find immediate faults in them too, to get even! It is always difficult to have an objective conversation with a loved one because we are always going to be in the same picture. Even after several rehearsals in our minds, most of the time a conversation ends up being an argument destroying mood as well as losing the whole point which needed to be conveyed. All of this makes our hurt turn into Hate and the intensity of our feelings depends on how much we Love the person! If you really want to be happy in a relationship, here are some steps: your partner with their challenges. No one is perfect that goes for you too! If you feel you re tolerating someone, maybe the other person is feeling the same. Never react when you are angry because at that time your anger controls you! The moment you Plet go of your Ego, you ll make space for your partner in your world. Be open to positive criticism from a loved one. If you feel your steps aren t working, seek an objective view. Everyone says that love hurts. But that s not true. Loneliness hurts, rejection hurts, losing someone hurts. Everyone confuses these with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again. Anonymous (estherstar1996. wordpress. com) (lexokat. wordpress. com) (heygirlwhatyoudoing. wordpress. com)
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