why do some guys not want relationships
Sounds confusing right? Like what the hell is wrong with this guy? Whenever you want to discuss becoming his girlfriend and taking things to the next level, this man insists he is not looking for a relationship. For whatever reason he decides to give you (i. e. too busy, emotionally unavailable, past hurt, etc) he doesnÁt budge from his position of
not wanting a girlfriend right now. For some of you itÁs cool but for many of you a relationship is what you truly desire. Regardless you continue to deal with him and itÁs like you two are basically in a relationship. You hang out, talk, and do things that a girlfriend does which leaves you wondering where his head is really at. This man even gets bothered and shows some jealousy when you talk to other guys. So again what the hell is his problem? Why does he say one thing but he is showing you something else? Why wonÁt he just officially make you his girlfriend and stop? Here is the reality for most of you that are in or have been in this situation. This man is telling you the truth when he says he does not want a girlfriend and a relationship. He is not prepared to be obligated to you or to commit to you. He wants to be able to deflect your questioning of his actions and his whereabouts. If other women come along that he wants to engage with; well he wants to be free to do as he pleases without any valid issue being raised on your part. What his actions are showing you is that he still wants the benefits and comfort of a relationship. He still wants the sex, companionship, and all the other things that a girlfriend provides which makes him feel good when he needs it. He likes the security of having you around and he will always have a fall back as long as he keeps you close. It really is as simple as that. If that man wanted to be in a relationship with you then he would make it happen. Hell some guys donÁt even really want a relationship yet they will still lock the woman down to ensure that they get what they want. So if he isnÁt prepared to officially make you his girlfriend then his mindset is clear, and you should take this man at his word on this one. Let me make something painfully clear to all the women reading this. Most men donÁt have to like you to. Most men can enjoy your company yet never want to be in a serious relationship with you.
That same man can become jealous and territorial if you talk to other men, yet at the same time have sex with many other women. I tell you this not to come off as negative but to share with you a harsh reality. It is in your best interest to understand that if a man is serious about you then he will be prepared to take action to back that up. He will be prepared to make you his official girlfriend and treat you as such. He will be receptive to your feelings and just as concerned about your desires as he is about his own. If you continue to give a man girlfriend benefits (some would say wife benefits) without any commitment then many men are likely going to take it. His decision to go along with this should not be confused with some secret desire you hope he has to one day be with you. You can continue to give and give and give yet still find yourself many months later with no relationship and possibly with him moving while making some other women his girlfriend. If he hasnÁt made you his girlfriend after a good amount of time what makes you think that continuing to give him benefits is going to make him change his mind any month now. He told you he doesnÁt want a relationship so why are you still essentially giving him one? I know many women may be saying Áwhy canÁt men just be more honest about what they wantÁ. Technically the man in a situation like this has been honest. He told you from the get go he didnÁt want a relationship. If you choose to entertain this man and it all ends in disappointment he still can say Áwell I told you I didnÁt want a relationshipÁ. The confusion comes from not understanding how many men operate. Just like a lot men can have sex without emotions, many men can engage in relationship behavior without getting caught up emotionally as well. So if you want a relationship, then of accepting less than that man officially making you his girlfriend and behaving as he should in a relationship. Stop holding on to false hope and giving benefits to a man that isnÁt prepared to make the necessary investment. He is being clear on what he wants, so now you need to be clear on what you are willing to accept. Do you want to receive the love andá relationship you truly deserve? Go right now and get your copy of theá bestselling book á here á or in á format. women everywhere are calling it a blessing to read.
Hi Eva, I am a 29-year-old single woman looking for a man to settle down with. I seem not to have any issues arranging dates. After some (not too long) conversation, IÁd usually arrange a mid-week date. Second dates also come easy. My problem is the following: after a few dates, whether itÁs three or six, I seem to be getting exactly the same behavior. They are slower to respond, and inevitably comes the following message: ÁHey, you are really lovely, but I am not in the right place because of my career, other commitment, pet dog (you name it), so I think itÁs best if we donÁt see each other again. I donÁt want to hold you back. Good luck. Á Really, the old itÁs-me-not-you message? ItÁs not like IÁve been head over heels with any of them, but I was always willing to give them another date. I slept with some of the guys, didnÁt with others, so not sure there is any relation there. What is it that prompts these guys to change their mind on commitment? I only use Á is it the wrong audience? Am I looking for certain, non-committing qualities? I donÁt think so, but I am running out of ideas and frankly am close to giving up on men. I know I am only 29 and I genuinely believe I am a good catch (successful, funny, attractive, active, empathetic), but I am running out of patience and will to repeat this scenario. Hey, you. Know this: these men are being honest. They are not in the right place to commit to you. You donÁt need to know whether itÁs because of their career, their other commitments, or their sick dogs. What you do know is that they are men who feel the need to assess the possibility of commitment after a very small number of encounters. And those men are not especially well-equipped to settle down with anyone. Their expectations are unrealistic. Their motivations are narcissistic (and, dear readers, I would say this too about a woman who felt the need to discuss commitment, or lack thereof, after three dates). They are trying to use Tinder like a marketplace to solve their personal discontent and their fear of commitment and theyÁre getting frustrated when it doesnÁt deliver. I, too, have suffered this kind of brush-off on many occasions: men telling me that they are not ready for the ceaseless marriage that they assume that I want with them, despite me certainly never mentioning it.
One wooed me ferociously for two weeks, showered me with attention, asked to see me almost every day, talked about introducing me to his friends, only to announce after two weeks that I was Átoo into itÁ. ÁBut this was all your idea,Á I had pointed out. ÁI was just going along with it. Á ÁOh, I guess so,Á he had said. That was not nice. But I had to understand: when you know very little of a person, and they reject you like that, it is not about you. If youÁre thinking of giving up, then do: at least for a bit. Sometimes an air-clearing break is what you need to get back into the online dating fray. And of course there is also the possibility of meeting people out in the world beyond your phone. You can try to watch out for early behavior that might flag bad behavior to come. The suitor that I mentioned above actually made me a bit uncomfortable Á Áis this romantic or creepy? Á I wondered Á but I didnÁt want to be ungrateful. But now I can see that my unease was a sign that he was projecting huge and unrealistic expectations on me and an imagined relationship that I could not deliver. A slow burner is more likely to lead to a longer-term connection than a romance that feels written by a big-budget Hollywood studio. You mention that you were always happy for another date, and I know what it is to feel quite generous for being up for seeing someone again and being rewarded with a dramatic rejection. Because of this, I decided to only go on repeat dates when my feelings were more than neutral, and I think itÁs helped to reduce the frequency of these scenes. IÁm assuming here that you are not sitting across a table from a man youÁve met three times, suggesting names for your children. But this doesnÁt mean that you are not allowed to express any desires at all. ItÁs easy to come to believe after a few of these run-ins that any reference to your future (not your future together, just the future) is off-putting. You are allowed to talk about the things that are important to you. In time, youÁll find someone who wants to be part of that conversation, and you wonÁt regret the ones who didnÁt stick around to hear it. Love,
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