why do people play mind games in relationships
Any interaction with another person has the potential to involve some type of mind game. In fact, many of us are quite good at playing mind games in relationships. The problems start when the mind games are used for dubious purposes. Unscrupulous people want to be in control and many have learned how to push other people s buttons and pick up on subtle emotional signals in order to manipulate the other. Mind games involve manipulation, twisting the facts and creating doubt to destabilise another person. Here are some examples of mind games in relationships and tips to counteract them:
The more tumultuous someone s childhood was, the more likely they are to engage in mind games. As a powerless child faced with unfair and unreasonable parents, children learn ways to manipulate the situation in a subtle passive way in order to cope emotionally. Many take these dysfunctional coping mechanisms into their adult relationships.
Playing mind games involves twisting the facts of a situation in order to suit the manipulator s version of events. They will see the situation their way and will generally lack the empathy to understand another person s point of view. They will ignore feelings and repeat their version of events, effectively voiding any other point of view of a situation. This can be extremely frustrating for the partner who feels misheard and misunderstood. Someone is definitely playing mind games when they dismiss your feelings. They will say something upsetting and when you react, you are told you are Too sensitive. A healthy, carting person will not like upsetting someone else and make a point not to do it again. A person playing mind games will make a mental note of that weakness and keep it as a weapon to be used in the future to control and manipulate. Another tactic is when you try to talk to your partner about their behaviour or about something you don;t like that they do.
Instead of listening and communicating, a person playing mind games will merely deflect the conversation and your concerns with a reply such as Well you did the same thing last week and that s why I do it. There is no acceptance of responsibility somehow their behaviour gets blamed on something you have done. What are you doing that for? , Why are you thinking like that? etc. A mind game player will do their best to shake the foundations of your beliefs and ideas about the world. The more confusion and self doubt, the easier it is to influence you. If you truly cared, you wouldn t do it is an example of emotional blackmail. You are made to feel you do not care enough and in this way they control your behaviour. Over time, mind game players groom you into doubting yourself and this undermines confidence. They may also throw in comments like, You are lucky to have me, no one else will love you like I do or You on t find someone else to love you.
Instead of bringing out the best in you, they chip away at your confidence to keep you feeling unworthy. As a result, you will be less likely to leave the relationship. If you think you are experiencing mind games in your relationship, you probably are. Second guessing yourself is common in relationships where mind games are rife. Learn to recognise the types of mind games and don t play the game. Every moment you take to play your game detracts from time that could be spent building something valuable and real. Every time you deceive for the temporary feeling of success, you're cheating yourself out of lasting and genuine happiness. Unfortunately, it looks like a lot of people these days are wasting their time. According to Lindsey Cummins, (a social polling app for millennials), 59 percent of the app's users "admit that they're guilty of playing mind games in relationships. " This means that the majority of millennials are dishonest and afraid when it comes to dating and relationships.
As it turns out, though, people are also pretty divided on what kind of effect playing mind games has on relationships. Cummins said that "48 percent think that playing mind games with your love interest will get you nowhere while the other 52 percent actually think it can get you somewhere. " It's a close count on this one, but still the majority think that playing games is more advantageous than not. When you think about it, that's a huge societal problem. At the very best, people are confused about whether they should be honest in relationships. At worst, they think that being deceitful and manipulative is the standard for a relationship. Speaking to this issue directly, Donadio urges, "We need to get back to integrity and authenticity in our society. "
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