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why does my wife say hurtful things

Pand I have been working with married couples for years, and one of the most heartbreaking scenarios we encounter is when one spouse wants the marriage to work, but the other spouse has made up his or her mind to leave and pursue divorce. This oftenPleads to the question,
What am I supposed to do when my husband/wife tells me they want a divorce? If you are in this situation right now, I m so sorry for what you re going through. I m sure you re feeling a mixture of conflicting emotions, and you re probably not sure what to do next. It s very possible that this difficult time of your life is the most painful challenge you ll ever endure, but you will get through this! Don t lose hope. Every situation is unique, so not all of these action-steps may apply in your marriage, but I believe these five actions could help you get throughPthis storm and possibly save your marriage as well. 1. Keep loving your spouse. Don t pick fights or give ultimatums. Just love them. Pray for them. Serve them. Be the best husband or wife you can be to them for as long as you remain their spouse. Try to diffuse the tension with love. Even if they re being hateful towards you, love them in return. God loves us even when we re acting unlovable, and we must do the same for each other. 2. Be careful where you turn for comfort. When you re hurt and confused, you ll naturally want to find comfort. The problem is that we tend to make our worst choices when we re hurt and confused!

Don t turn to self-destructive behavior to numb the pain. Surround yourself with accountability and support from people who love you AND love your spouse too. 3. Be willing to take drastic and immediate actionsPto save the marriage. You obviously can t force your spouse to stay married to you, but do everything in your power to encourage reconciliation. You can find some great resources to help couples in struggling situations atP 4. Have faith! In the Bible, Jesus promised that we would have troubles in this life. The good news is that we ll never face those troubles alone. You might feel alone right now, but Jesus has said, Never will I leave you or forsake you. God can and will carry you through this difficult time. 5. Protect the kids (for those who are parents). If you have children, this whole ordeal could be even harder on them than it is on you. Do everything in your power to protect your kids and shield them from the tension in the marriage. Don t say hurtful things to or about your spouse, because your spouse will be part of your life for the rest of your life (either as your spouse or, at the very least, as the mother/father of your kids). Be a calming, reassuring force for your kids through this time. For more tools to help you build (or rebuild) your marriage, check out P Pwhich is now also available on iTunes as an P Please share this post using the links below, so we can bring hope to hurting couples. Before your read the article below please take a few seconds toP P for a library of marriage ebooks, daily marriage encouragement and some stellar communication tools for you and your spouse to stay connected.

A Facebook login is required to access the app. Have you ever said something to your spouse and then immediately thought to yourself Ummmm I didn t actually say that out loud just then did I?! I think we ve all been there and sometimes we can say the most hurtful things to the people we love the most. Whoever said Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me, didn t know what they were talking about! The truth is that our words can make or break our relationships and we need to commit to using our words wisely. You can communicate your message without being mean or sarcastic and if you approach your spouse in a supportive and encouraging way, your message is going to be received much better. For the health of your marriage, you need to remove some words and phrases from your vocabulary. Here are some practical ways to get started DON T SAY: Have you gained weight? If they re gaining weight, they already know it without you pointing it out. Instead of drawing attention to the weight, try suggestion healthier options for meals or going on walks together to promote ways you can spend time together and both get healthier at the same time. Be their biggest cheerleader; not their biggest critic! For more on this, check out ourP DON T SAY: You Always or You Never When we re trying to make a point, we often make hurtful allegations about our spouse that exaggerate the truth.

Always and Never can be dangerous words. If you do say the words You always or You never , make sure you say something positive, like You always know how to make me smile. Instead of something negative like You always make everything so complicated or You never do anything to help me. P For more on this, listen to this P DON T SAY: Anything mean, degrading or disrespectful. Okay, I know I just listed a whole bunch of things with this one, but the important point is that you need to always keep a positive tone in your words if you want to maintain a positive tone in your marriage. Once you say a word, you can t take it back, so be very careful about each word you speak to each other. A marriage can t have too much encouragement or too little criticism. For more on this, check out my post onP DON T SAY: Divorce The D-Word shouldn t be part of your vocabulary. Don t use it as a threat or as an option. There s no intimacy in marriage without complete commitment and there can be no true commitment if you have even the threat of an exit strategy. Remember, a perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other! For more tips and tools to build a stronger marriage, please PandPcheck outPmy new bookP If this post helped you, please share it using the links below so we can help other couples too.

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